i am only able to stay distracted, (and not totally, at that,) for about an hour at a time.  then the anxiety hits again.  the nausea.  you have no idea how many times i've barfed in the last few days.  my throat is raw.  i don't even know what i'm anxious *about*.  i'm just kind of a mess.  i keep having this recurring urge to beat myself unconscious.  not to hurt myself, no interest in that, really, but just to BE unconscious.

(yeah, if you're as tired of reading about a fucked up girl as i am tired of being one, then feel free to read someone else's blog.)